Ohevolve.com-A blog by Katy Steinkamp

I have eight masks hanging on the blinker lever in my car. I have four more in my purse that were lovingly created by my wonderful niece -in-law in Poulsbo. I have a “bigfoot” mask and a golden girls mask. Remember that video game back in the 80’s where the little guy went running around the screen eating dots till he blew up…She made me one of those…a munchkin? No! That’s not right and my brain won’t send me the right name…right now. In the middle of the night it will come to me.

I wanted to ask her to send me and American Flag mask, but then I heard on NPR that it was not appropriate to wear an American Flag. It seems you can wear a complete American Flag but not a PIECE of the American Flag. You can wear an American Flag pin on your lapel but not a piece of the flag on your face. It was a moot point after I heard that because I always get my ” live-by” rules from National Public Radio, and if I break the rules I feel ashamed, like I am bad.

No, see, the real problem is I grew up in the South in the 60’s and I suffer mightily from white people guilt. If there is a drop of right or wrong I will automatically take responsibility for the bad stuff. I was born white. Now understand please that I don’t recall having been offered a choice in all of this .. . Nobody gets to choose the color of their skin.

I always thought color was prettier than white. There was a family of albino’s in my home town. I thought they were interesting and I didn’t understand because I thought their skin was kind of pink. Nobody ever mentions pink people, but I promise you they exist. That makes me think of Flamingo’s. Reminds me that nature is just packed with colorful beings… Peacocks, parrots, zebras, wildebeests, green ducks, white whales….Nature has representations for every color in the crayons box and then some. And aside from the ugly gooey duck, which understand is just my opinion and I am kind to gooey ducks I just don’t personally think they are pretty. That is where I draw my line… not from color but from the line between Kindness and Meanness. I was kind to the only albino I knew and eventually he was just a friend of mine..

Meaness is always ugly and it it isn’t perspectival…it’s truth. Love triumps over meanness every single time. If I personally knew a gooey duck I would likely get way past thinking they were ugly. Haven’t you ever had the experience of thinking someone was really cute and then they open their mouth and say something ugly or mean and the cute just slides down into the dirt.

Today I went to the grocery store with a purpose…get some pork chops for dinner. I was in a hurry and I found a Mary Kline parking space…up close to the doors of the store. I put the car in park, locked the door and grabbed a basket and headed to the back of the store, snatched up two pork chops and remembered i needed eggs, so I headed to the other end of the store and grabbed a dozen, and remembered I needed Kleenex and grabbed two big boxes of six because my nose always runs when I’m wearing a mask……….. Suddenly my gut tightened and I realized my nose wasn’t running and my face was totally naked. No Mask! Guilt swept over me like a full blown hot flash. I began to sweat. A man at the end of the aisle put his foot out and stopped my cart. He began to tap the end of my cart then he pointed to the large arrow on the floor painted there by the store to help us all keep social distance and not contaminate each other…… I was going the opposite way from the arrow. I mumbled some lame excuse and when he looked up at me to correct my corrupt behavior he noticed my face was naked. No Mask. At that point I pushed my cart past him as he hurled

ugly words at me. I headed straight for the self-check out. I threw the groceries in the back of my car, jumped in the driver’s seat and locked the doors. My heart was racing and I was soaking wet with shame. I sat for a moment and practiced a little yoga… in through the nose out thru the mouth… breathing. Calmed myself down a bit. I noticed a new pack of masks in the passanger’s seat. I tore open the package and pulled out a few and put one on. I opened my door and calmly walked back towards the grocery store where I had seen the man leaving with his groceries. I presented my brand new masks to him suggesting I thought he might need an extra mask or two in case he ever forgets to wear his. I suggested he have a very nice day and I walked swiftly back to my car and left. He couldn’t see it but I smiled at him.

My anxiety was gone and I began to snuggle back into my body that never intends to hurt or be mean to anyone, understanding that intent matters … and so does perception. Kindness is the walk towards healing. Kindness IS a choice. We can’t rewrite history, but we can get back to love. Come on people, we got some work to do! We need the masks for others.

We have an extremely complicated history when it comes to the relationships between caucasians and people of color. Some horrible things went down between them. Specifically between blacks/African Americans and whites /Caucasians. There are no easy answers for dealing with these issues. One thing is sure, however, we need less righteous arrogance between us . More serious conversation intended to resolve the gulf between us…instead of sarcasm empathic listening and every single suggestion deserves serious consideration. If we can get to where we think of people as people and not colors we can do it. Oh sure, there will still be some nitwits unwilling to even try for resolution. Eventually those with less

love capacity just slide into the dirt and die.

Make it your INTENT to let the arrogant, finger pointing, angry and righteousness just slide right down into the dirt. Listen to others with a heart looking for reasonable answers …not an idiot looking for a fight.

my car tells me it is !!5 degrees in the black tar under it’s wheels but inside i am freezing…frozen…gone. She wanted to read me a poem she wrote and i begged her to do so but she left it in the car she said and i asked her to go get it then she said he didn’t like her poem and I asked was it about faces and she said yes.

she went and got it from her car and read it to me and i didn’t understand the poem. i thought it was about the rip tide and how beat up she was by the water nearly drowning her and then she moved it to the courtroom and i am sure i lost myself somewhere – or so confused – or frozen and lost like what happens when i crawl out of the corner. She only wanted my opinion about her poem and i got confused and thought she wanted my opinion about him… the poem was magnificent when i warmed myself back into my body. i don’t know where i go, but i am gone and we are so not the same.

I wish I were better at keeping up with people I love. Especially you.

Rick and I are doing very well with staying home and washing our hands every 10 seconds. We take a drive to break up the time and we have a 1000 piece puzzle we are working (slowly), and with Adreanna’s help we’ve completed the border except for one piece!

Las Vegas is a pretty sad place right now with all the casinos closed down and so many people out of work. There are food lines…so many…trying to keep up with feeding people who have no money and no work.

The world famous Las Vegas Strip- and Downtown- is empty of people and the huge concrete monoliths dedicated to greed and fun are devoid of life. No cars or magic volcanos or dancing waters. Some of the people who make up the majority of this city are not working for big salaries. They work for tips ,staying $5 ahead of their bills. They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t get fired. Their jobs have disappeared! Think about how many people it takes to keep all these casinos open and running well. A workforce made up of maids, bus boys, dishwashers, dealers, bartenders, chefs, cooks, pool cleaners, lifeguards, food service workers, housekeepers, mechanics, plumbers, window cleaners, shopkeepers, oh my gosh so many people! Thousands of people whose jobs just fell out from under them. Immediately! No warning.

A woman who is a special events food service worker who made good money, her husband a a blackjack dealer, with three children, they made good enough money. But Vegas isn’t a city where people save for a rainey day…we are almost always in a drought.

I don’t know about you, but I carry a whisper of anxiety with me all the time now. Sometimes I weep for what we appear to be losing.

Then my phone rings and some friend calls and says she misses me and I shake the dread off my shoulders and get back to my gratitude. Get back to my optimism. I put on my mask and head out into the world to see if I can help. Insight and wisdom ride on the back of optimism.

I love and miss you, my sweet friend . Hug Dan for me. Wash your hands, put on your mask, and go out in the world . You always help.

XO, Katy

———————————————–

Being: A Poem

Floating softly

in murky water

beneath my pain

lies the rest of my

poem.

I will be still

and let the water clear.

See what happens.

DHM 4/24/2020

Wow! Four weeks ago I awakened at 6 AM and knew something was wrong. I felt strangely ill. I drove to my office and called and cancelled my clients. I got back in the car intending to drive home and instead stopped by my doctor’s office. It was early but I knew the office staff would be there, Instinctively I knew something was very wrong. Luckily my doctor was there and she saw me and after taking my blood pressure and asking a few questions and listening to my heart, she informed me that she had called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. She told me I was dangerously dehydrated and she was pretty certain I was in “A-Fib”. Within 3 minutes the ambulance was there and for the first time in a long time, I was not in charge . Two (very cute) EMT’s picked me up, placed me on a gurney and I went for my first ever ambulance ride. The EMT’s were amazing. Crowded into that tiny space, they locked the gurney, got an IV into my arm and one drove while the other kept checking my vitals until we got to St. Rose Hospital where they waited until I was in emergency room care before they left for their next run. They did all that as smoothly as humanly possible, and I am so grateful for their care. In the emergency room it was as if a flock of birds flew down and took care of all my needs, IV, medication, temperature, checking everything every 3 minutes. They were pumping me full of fluids, checking my heart , asking me questions. My emergency stall was a hotbed of activity! Then all the birds flew away except my nurse and someone who wheeled an EKG machine into my room and left looking somewhat worried. Everyone introduced themself to me, but they talked to each other about what they were doing and I knew I was in good hands. I think by now it must have been about 10 AM and I fell asleep and everything was peaceful. After some time had passed an emergency room doctor blew in and told me that my doctor was correct and I was in “A-Fib”. He explained about the two upper and lower chambers of the heart and how they worked together to keep sending blood to all parts of my body. However in my case one of the upper ventricles was fluttering instead of pumping and consequently I had irregular heart rhythm. I was in trouble also because I had become extremely dehydrated. He asked me for the name of my Cardiologist.
When I was in my doctor’s office the next day she assigned me to a cardiologist and we set up an appointment. The earliest I could get in was two and a half weeks out! Imagine if we had universal health care. There is a reason why the Rolling Stones lead singer, Mick Jagger, wanted his surgery done here and not in England! Anyway, I saw a wonderful Cardiologist who explained to me that since I had not been in A-fib before, he wanted to try to do a cardiac inversion and shock my heart back into rhythm and then our job would be to STAY OUT OF A-FIB –and he explained his plan to me.
So last Wednesday I had a cardiac inversion and I have never felt so well in my life as I did when I awakened from that procedure. I got the paddle, just like on television.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I have an appointment for a stress test, another EKG and I see my cardiologist again and I am so damn grateful for my life! So grateful for my healthcare.

I am grateful I was alive to say goodbye to my precious 11 year old black lab, Woof, who passed away the Monday before my Inversion. I cried tears of gratitude for being able to give him a great big smooch before he slipped away. The ups and the downs, folks. They create this wonderful ride we call life.
Take care of your heart and hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate!
Katy

Whether by hook or by crook nature has a way of getting what it wants. It’s the inevitable. The great gathering of dark clouds on the horizon. The unstoppable erosion of the continents by the sea. Or the reclamation of cities built in desserts where they shouldn’t be to begin with. One grain of sand at time…. nature gets what it wants whether by hook or by crook.
It’s on these unseen currents of momentum that we often find ourselves riding or more appropriately being pushed. Often times ending up in a place that seems so foreign and unfamiliar at rides end that we can’t quite trace the beginning of the journey, or recognize our reflections when seen. This can be either terrify or humbling depending upon the starting point and the journey itself.
Will the person you see be beaten and battered from a life time of empty promises and broken dreams. Will the eyes tell the story of a thousand unfulfilled dreams and unrequited loves. Will you be able to sense the desperation and smell the anxiety in the air like an onion that’s been peeled and left lying in the kitchen on a warm day in May? Whether by hook or by crook nature gets his way.
Or perhaps it’s joy and fulfillment that stare back at you at your journeys end. A sense of accomplishment at a life’s long work. Your eyes tell the tale of knowledge. Not institutional knowledge but instead the kind of knowing ones place in the universe that can’t be valued monetarily. A comfort in knowing ones self even when the reflection seems like an aged and foreign relative of some sort. Along the way nay sayers and interlopers may have tried to dissuade. But whether by hook or by crook nature gets her way….
Or even more unsettling what if the reflection you see at the paths end isn’t unrecognizably wise or ignorant and damaged? What if the person staring back is the same person you saw at the journeys beginning? Through pure self righteous indignation you’ve remained stagnant while the world moved around you. Everyone and everything else seeming to grow and prosper and inevitably die all the while you watched at a distance only sticking your toe in to see how cold the water really was before scurrying back to the comfortable confines of the familiar. Would the journey have been for not as the outside passed you by? Or is the final destination not something to be evaluated and scrutinized but simply the penultimate moment in every living creatures journey? I really don’t know I’m saddened to say. But whether by hook or by crook nature gets its way……

This post was written by a friend of mine… Sean Nichols.. Please leave a comment . I’m encouraging him to write and your comments should help..

So we attempted to write a new blog on January 1. I signed in on Bluehost and went to “Users” on the c-panel under tools. Bursting with enthusiasm, I brought up my OHEVOLVE dashboard, and was greeted by an entirely new system of BLOCKS. I was stunned. I think I sat and stared at the foreign page for 25/30 minutes in wonder. I wanted to cry, but instead I ran away.

I don’t like change! Once I have invested the time and effort to learn a system I desperately want it to stay the way I learned it! THAT NEVER HAPPENS..not anywhere…not ever. I was so sad. I love writing my blog. How was I to do that without understanding how to even put the words on the pages.

The computer…the internet…all of technology is so amazingly arrogant. Never are there Directions (look it up if you don’t know what directions are). Oh No! The foundational assumption this is based on is that we all grew up understanding how to write Code like everyone who is under the age of 45! I remember the first time I got a Blackberry. I loved it so much once I quit looking for directions. I treated it like I was learning a new language and we got along fine for a few years. Then something went out of whack, and I literally spent 3 hours on the phone with a woman in India I could not understand and could not understand me! Then I went to the iPhone and dedicated evey spare hour in classes and experimenting with all the wonder of it’s ability to do magic. I would fall down rabbit holes and have to dig myself out. I studied and learned and I learned about the mysterious Internet and fell down even deeper rabbit holes. And I learned so much about myself. I don’t like change,, and I know it’s inevitable, but I never give up! I will figure it out. I keep going back and back and back until the sun comes through and I get the information I need to learn something new and exciting.

So…I am back…and unless all the words on this page disappear when I hit Publish … we are together again. I missed you. I hope you will comment and give me some insight into who you are. Thanks for hanging in there!

Katy

It’s that time of year! We are right in the thick of it!  Caroles playing everywhere: elevators, offices, department stores, grocery stores, dentist offices ( Owww! ). 

Yes. In spite of the merriment playing all around us, some of us have to have a tooth pulled while listening to Frosty the Snowman.  Not Fun!  Some of us are buried up to our necks in snow…which can be fun if the electricity did NOT go out at the same time the snow fell!  Puts me in mind of the years we spent in Atlanta and the ice storms. Bob and Susan Rulli and Rick and I and the kids would play in the ice and snow then retire to the Rulli’s and make beignets.  Yumm! Best thing ever with hot coco or coffee! Let’s see… as I recall it’s the same recipe for cream-puffs:

1 C water,  1/2 t. salt, 2t sugar, 6 tables. unsalted butter, cut into small chunks, 1 C. flour, 4 lg. eggs– 

• heat water, salt, sugar & butter in small saucepan till butter is mellted.
• remove from heat and dump all the flour in at once!
• put the pan back on the heat and stir rapidly till mixture is smooth and pulls away from the sides of the pan.
• allow dough to cool for 2 minutes.
• beat in the eggs…one at a time…till smooth and shiny.
• heat vegetable oil in large cast-iron pan to 400 degrees
• gently place a large spoonfull of batter in hot oil.  add several more without crowding them.
• When they brown and crisp, take them out and place on large brown grocery bag to soak up excess fat.
• Fill a bag with  powdered sugar, drop them in the bag, one at a time , and “voila”…they are begnets. Fill the bag with cinnamon sugar and “voila” you’ve got Churros . Either way they are delicious!  And they warm your heart as you serve them while they are warm! 

Oh the memories float around in my head this time of the year.  Atlanta, San Francisco, Boston, Cupertino, New York, Oklahoma then here, to Las Vegas.  We moved quite a bit and made good friends everywhere we lived. It seems like we made the best friends when the boys were young and the neighbors helped raise all the children. It was great fun and wonderful memories! 

• Memories of a lovely man who went by the name of Bob Rulli, who could make anyone happy with his laugh and his cooking skills. Jean and Ted Little and their precious  Jennie, Leslie, Jill and Alan. And the Whites. Fun-ny! That was Atlanta… great friends..great fun.  In Oklahoma it was Zelda and she taught me how to talk about sex to teenagers at Planned Parenthood.  In San Francisco it was my beautiful friend Jan who taught me to sing black gospel with a choir in Oakland. And Vera who is the mother of a most amazing California Beauty Queen. Our wonderful next-door neighbors on Eagle Drive in Marin, John and Barbara Gay and oh the wonderful ski jaunts to Heavenly. Barb and I would pack a lunch and we’d head out in the dark hours of morning with Wendy and Greg and Kimmy and Brooks packed in the back with all their gear. And we’d have the most glorious time skiing down that mountain, with the sun on our faces with the crisp, fresh, cold air. It was fabulous fun! In New York I got to know my sister in law, Dawn. I loved her so much. If she were still alive, I’d ask her to remember the time we put the top down on the convertible and put her extremely tall lamp in the back seat and slowly drove from the Bowery to East 64th St. trying to avoid the red lights just to save the delivery fee! We laughed so hard we cried. I loved her so. In Boston, I got locked on the roof of our condo on an especially cold morning in my pj’s and robe! I had climbed the stairs to show the roof repair man how to get to the roof and the wind caught the door behind us and automatically locked. It was freezing! We threw pebbles at people trying to get their attention. About 45 minutes later we began to scream at the people coming into the building and finally got someone to come let us off the roof. It was funny later, but not at the time. The roof guy thought I was crazy. It was in Boston I got my M.Ed, from Boston University and began my journey working with mental health. So many memories. Tears and laughter to fill my lifetime.  And lots of love!   

I think when we enter our 70’s we should all receive a chrystal ball and can return to those wonderful times for a few hours. It would be so much fun to see all of those lovely friends once again. 

In the meantime, I wish peace and courage for all of you for 2019. I think we are going to need it. I also wish you kindness and joy and love. Peace out people.

I went to the Apple Store in Town Square Friday morning. I love the Apple store. The staff is diverse and knowledgeable and they don’t pressure me to buy anything. They don’t have to because their reputation is stellar and their products practically sell themselves. This particular day I had a difficult time finding a parking place anywhere near the store. I buy the darkest, prescription glasses I can find, and still the Vegas sun is blinding as I’m driving through the parking lot trying to find a space. Eventually I find a space on the top floor where the sun is so bright I really can’t see and practically run into a man getting off the elevator as I am getting on. We both apologize as I hit the elevator button. I am getting a bit irritated by the time I get to Apple. The store is full, and people are buzzing around–some are looking for a particular item–children are playing with the computers and holding on to the coat-tail of parents as they are scanniing the shelves.  I see a staff person and I ask her about the MacBook Pro laptop. It’s a brilliant piece of technology and today I am just pricing it. Whew! Think I’ll wait a bit to make a purchase! I came in today for a class on my iPhone X. I got the time wrong and it doesn’t start until 2pm. That means I’ve got two hours to kill. I walk back to my car and read for an hour and the glare of the sun gives me a headache. I fumble my way back to the elevator and head to California Pizza Kitchen for a salad and to get some relief from the extra bright day. Boring! Finally it’s 10 till 2 and I make my way back to Apple. I’m cranky and tired…Thinking of just going home, but after waiting this long I may as well take the class. Well, the class was great! The instructor was a young man I recognized from a Pages class I took about a year ago. J.F. is his name and when I sat at the desk for the class he recognized me and greeted me with enthusiasm. He stated he was delighted to see me again. He even remembered my name. He was helpful and I learned a great deal of new features on my phone and iPad. He took his time and I had fun! I was the only person in the class.

The thing is…I left the Apple Store feeling great about myself and my ability to relate to the young man who helped me. I realized that it is more often than not these days that I deal with people who are impatient with my age. They have expectations that I am too old to understand. We all can tell if we really relate to the “other” and if we are enjoying our time together. We are interested in what the other has to say. J.F. and I had a very good class and we enjoyed our time together.  What a lovely turn to my day.  

As I left Apple and headed for the elevator I was behind a group of young men who were in conversation. Three of them headed into their office in the building and one walked next to me to the elevator.  All of a sudden this lovely young man lept into the air, with a big smile on his face and “whooped”!  I smiled at him and as we got on the elevator he leaned his head toward me and sang “I just got the job”… I congratulated him and we both smiled as the doors opened and he went his way and I went mine, marveling at my visibility.

“One tree is like another, but not too much. One tulip is like the next tulip, but not altogether.  More or less like people–a general outline, then the stunning individual strokes.”  Mary Oliver, Upstream, Penguin Press, NY,NY, 2014.  “Family is a place where when you go there, they have to take you in. Pat Conroy, Prince of Tides.

I began the first leg of my flight to Charleston at 6:00AM on July 15, 2018. It was time for my annual vacation with my siblings in South Carolina, Palatka and Tallahassee, Florida.   Di met me in baggage claim. She is losing her hearing and cannot orient to my voice when I call to her in the cavernous cacophany that is the Charlotte airport. The city is building an addittion to the present airport, and it appears to be constructing it  directly in front of the current airport. This results in zero, nada, noplace for passenger pick-up but a 10ft. long area in front of the exit door from the current airport. This is madness.  Men in neon yellow blowing constantly on whistles that threaten to bust your eardrums, orange traffic cones everywhere, angry, impatient drivers blowing their horns, people jumping into the cars with their baggage as fast as possible so as not to be killed by the other cars! In the meantime, Jim was stuck in the two lines of mile long traffic trying to get to the “pick-up” area. It was a crazy, dangerous zoo! It took us an hour and a half to get out of the airport! Whew! But it was great to see Di and Jim. I was exhausted from the day and the travel, so it wasn’t long after our nice reunion that I excused myself and went to bed.

We decided to take a day before heading to Summer Haven and The Beach House. We got up, got our coffee and visited for a couple of hours. We agreed we would head out the next day and travel straight to St, Augustine  to meet with David and Rosie at Barnacle Bill’s, where the best fried shrimp in all of Florida comes out of their kitchen.  We drove through a couple of rain storms on the way, and we stopped once for gas. Nothing memorable, except Di and I getting into our usual tussel about our differences.  Family squabbles happened from Van Wyck to Barnacle Bill’s, part of being family. At about 3 pm we pulled into St. Augustine and the restaurant, met up with David and Rosie and Ben and downed about four dozen shrimp! Then we headed towards The Beach House. Rainstorms greeted us as we pulled up where the old wooden water tower once stood! I can remember washing my hair in the rainwater collected by that great towering basin…showers too. Heaven from an old, rickety water tower that is no longer there. It aged out.